Infatuation & Love

Is there any clear cut distinction between infatuation and love?

So I took the initiative to google for meaning of both words and from wikipedia page, INFATUATION means a state being completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love which usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship. While there are a lot of definitions for LOVE but the one we are discussing here is the abstract concept of love referring to a deep ineffable feeling towards someone. I would love to discuss about LUST also but I guess it would be to steamy for this blog..*wink* and plus I’m not sure I would be the right person to even discuss about it.

Basically, from the definitions above in a relationship, you start with infatuation which grows into love eventually. What if you secretly ‘love’ someone? Let’s say that you like A for a certain amount of time but you’ve never told A about how you feel. Is it love? Is it infatuation instead? Or is it a different kind or different level of feeling?

I have a confession to make which isn’t important to any of you but I just have to get it out of my system. I like a guy and let’s call him A for anonimosity reason..Duh! I secretly admire him since I was in high school but I’ve never gotten the courage to ever tell him about my feelings. I guess it is because of the inadequacy that I feel within myself..not that there’s something wrong with me physically or mentally..but I’ve always taught that he likes his girl to be sophisticated, beautiful and cool which I’m none of those or should I say I’m just an average kind of girl…A girl next door who nobody would notice.

Anywho…it’s been 7 years and I still secretly smile whenever I chat to A or even when other people talk about A and let me tell you that smile could last for days. Isn’t that ridiculous?! High school ended years ago and we both went separate ways. I haven’t met him for almost 4 years but what I feel towards him never grow less nor disappear. Is it love? Infatuation? Or just craziness..insanity…

I’ve never been in a real long-term commitment because my feelings toward A have always been stronger than what I feel towards any other guys. I keep telling myself that I haven’t found the right guy yet.

But whenever I’m with my best buddies gossiping about the latest trends, latest songs, latest guys…I’ve always used the excuse that I still have feelings towards A that I’m not ready to be in a relationship. Should I be blaming A for all of this foolishness? If we didn’t go to the same school, I would’ve never developed any feeling towards him. Why would he be so nice to me, to other people? And plus..he’s cute *drool*..that matters the most right…

Lately I’ve been thinking, it’s probably not because I have strong feeling for A but because I was too afraid to be in a relationship. I’m sure it’s just an excuse that I keep on telling myself and others so that I don’t have to deal with commitment. There you go! I finally said it! I have commitment issues..I think..I guess…I’m not sure…

Come to think of it…I’ve always have issues with commitments..I’ve always afraid to sign any contracts unless I’m definitely sure about it..it took me about two months before I decided to sign up for the 2-year contract with a phone company..such trivial matter and yet I was afraid and reluctant. So, when it comes to relationship…since for me there’s no certainty in that…I could never commit to it and for all this while I’ve been hiding..using A as an excuse….

I guess my quest for life today’s lesson would be accepting commitment….I have to start taking big risk for once in my life..open up my heart to others also…who knows..I might find eternal LOVE someday….