Ready Set Go!

Diary 02/16/2009
It's already 11 PM and I'm so tired from studying the whole day for eukaryotic genetics test tomorrow (02/17/09). But I still have another few pages of lecture notes that I need to read. Instead of going straight to bed, I decided to go to Mandible and get myself another cup of white mocha with 3 espresso shots. I got home, turn on the computer, play songs out loud and start sipping my coffee while reading the notes. I didn't realized it was already 2 am that I finally decided to sleep and prepare myself to fail for the test at 12 noon. (",)


I think I couldn't get through the day today without coffee..or should I say caffeine. Not many people realize that coffee isn't the only drink or food that has caffeine in it. It's in coffee, tea, chocolate, most of the soft drinks and even some drugs (medicine).

How much a person need caffeine in a day? How much can a person handle the amount of caffeine in his body? How much does a person consume caffeine in a day?

So many questions which I couldn't care less...hahahaha..I'll drink coffee whenever I need it and whatever amount I need.

However, for the sake of this blog, I actually did some "googling" where I found out that caffeine stays in your body for about 6 hours. So I guess it's reasonable for me to take coffee in the morning and maybe another cup in the evening if I need to stay up late.

How much a person could handle caffeine varies between people. They say that smaller size people could handle less caffeine than a bigger person. But I think it also depends on how often a person takes caffeine. If you drink caffeinated coffee everyday, I think you are able to handle higher amount of caffeine regardless your body size.

I used to drink coffee on a weekly basis, but now it has to be in a daily basis just because I need the energy from early morning to late night due to the amount of energy and time I need to spend in classes and also lab.

So, every morning I'll walk over to a coffee shop, order my favorite espresso drink and then I'm finally ready to go through the day.

Ready Set & Go!

Wikked Lil' Grrrls

Wow..it's been so long since I last wrote my blog. I'm not really a fan of writing about myself of stuff around me. I have enough of homework assignments that I need to write for each week. Graduate school isn't as easy as I thought it would be. However, no regret whatsoever. I think I've never regretted about the choices I made in life except for choices in clothes, shoes..such trivial matters. People make mistakes and you'll learn from your mistakes. I think I've grown so much in making choices for what I should and shouldn't wear, eat, say.....

Talking about growing and getting matured....I've just celebrated my 24th birthday last week (Feb, 6th). And yeah, I'm proud to announce my age...2+4!!!. At first, I was kind of in denial...It is hard to accept the fact that you are getting old. Well statistics show that people with more birthdays do live longer...hahaha....
Can't believe that I've reached that age where life isn't going to be nice to you anymore...if you make mistakes even silly mistakes. You'll learn how life could be cruel sometimes..not all the time...

I've always ponder about what my life gonna be in the future. I'm always jealous of those who knows what they want and what they've already got. They seem to be so sure about how life should be while I'm still in a boat in a middle of an ocean. No bearing or compass to show me the way I'm supposed to be heading. I'm at lost!!


Whenever I feel that I'm at lost or feel down or depressed...I'll listen to Human by The Killers...aren't they an awesome band or what!!..it's kinda catchy song...It makes my heart feels lighter a lil bit..There are plenty of great songs that could actually brighten my days. Usually before I go out for the day, I'll listen to Wikked lil Grrrls...by Esthero..it's kinda an obnoxious song..only for age 18 and above...hahaha....


OMG..I've just realized that my song choices have changed. I used to listen to alternative..but now mostly my songs have kinda jazz beat..coffeehouse kinda songs...is it because I'm growing old!....whateva!!!..

Anyway..I'm going to listen to my songs and try to study for my test on Tuesday...I'm definitely doomed...(",)

Infatuation & Love

Is there any clear cut distinction between infatuation and love?

So I took the initiative to google for meaning of both words and from wikipedia page, INFATUATION means a state being completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love which usually occurs at the beginning of a relationship. While there are a lot of definitions for LOVE but the one we are discussing here is the abstract concept of love referring to a deep ineffable feeling towards someone. I would love to discuss about LUST also but I guess it would be to steamy for this blog..*wink* and plus I’m not sure I would be the right person to even discuss about it.

Basically, from the definitions above in a relationship, you start with infatuation which grows into love eventually. What if you secretly ‘love’ someone? Let’s say that you like A for a certain amount of time but you’ve never told A about how you feel. Is it love? Is it infatuation instead? Or is it a different kind or different level of feeling?

I have a confession to make which isn’t important to any of you but I just have to get it out of my system. I like a guy and let’s call him A for anonimosity reason..Duh! I secretly admire him since I was in high school but I’ve never gotten the courage to ever tell him about my feelings. I guess it is because of the inadequacy that I feel within myself..not that there’s something wrong with me physically or mentally..but I’ve always taught that he likes his girl to be sophisticated, beautiful and cool which I’m none of those or should I say I’m just an average kind of girl…A girl next door who nobody would notice.

Anywho…it’s been 7 years and I still secretly smile whenever I chat to A or even when other people talk about A and let me tell you that smile could last for days. Isn’t that ridiculous?! High school ended years ago and we both went separate ways. I haven’t met him for almost 4 years but what I feel towards him never grow less nor disappear. Is it love? Infatuation? Or just craziness..insanity…

I’ve never been in a real long-term commitment because my feelings toward A have always been stronger than what I feel towards any other guys. I keep telling myself that I haven’t found the right guy yet.

But whenever I’m with my best buddies gossiping about the latest trends, latest songs, latest guys…I’ve always used the excuse that I still have feelings towards A that I’m not ready to be in a relationship. Should I be blaming A for all of this foolishness? If we didn’t go to the same school, I would’ve never developed any feeling towards him. Why would he be so nice to me, to other people? And plus..he’s cute *drool*..that matters the most right…

Lately I’ve been thinking, it’s probably not because I have strong feeling for A but because I was too afraid to be in a relationship. I’m sure it’s just an excuse that I keep on telling myself and others so that I don’t have to deal with commitment. There you go! I finally said it! I have commitment issues..I think..I guess…I’m not sure…

Come to think of it…I’ve always have issues with commitments..I’ve always afraid to sign any contracts unless I’m definitely sure about it..it took me about two months before I decided to sign up for the 2-year contract with a phone company..such trivial matter and yet I was afraid and reluctant. So, when it comes to relationship…since for me there’s no certainty in that…I could never commit to it and for all this while I’ve been hiding..using A as an excuse….

I guess my quest for life today’s lesson would be accepting commitment….I have to start taking big risk for once in my life..open up my heart to others also…who knows..I might find eternal LOVE someday….

Confessions of a virgin

As interesting as it may sound, it’s not what you all think that I’m going to write about. Well maybe not for my first blog *wink*

So, my dear friend persuaded me to write a blog just to get some things out of my system. I told myself, what the heck, I’ll just try it. It may work better than paying a ‘shrink’ to just listen to what I think about life, about people, about everything!

Today, an old friend of mine dropped me a message, asking me what life means to me. (If you are reading, you know who you are). It took me a while actually trying to answer that question as nobody has ever asked me about that. Usually, people would just ask what are the most important things is your life. I’m sure most of your answers would be family, job and others. But what life means to you??

I told him it’s a journey toward something, something that you believe in. I, myself, wasn’t even sure of my answer. I was afraid that I’m giving a false definition to him about life.

I guess this is a similar situation when people ask you what is beauty. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. There is no specific definition, explanation or interpretation for it. Every single individual sees thing differently based on his/her own perspective.

Life for me is a journey towards happiness. It begins when life begins and ends when life ends. Happiness for me means achieving something that satisfy me like having a job that I like to do, being with people that I love, doing stuff that I care and the list will go on and on and on.

Anywho…that’s what I think about life…what life means to YOU? Have you ever thought about that?